Every once in a while we have a breakthrough, something that propels us forward and gives us a foothold in our efforts. Perhaps it is something that is immediately noticeable, an ‘aha moment,’ when things click and begin to fall into place revealing a manageable game plan. (I think of this looking like the Allspark in the Transformers movie, when it goes from the size of a mountain down to the size of a box of chocolates with just one touch. Folding and retracting automatically and instantaneously). Or maybe it’s something that we look at in retrospect and say, “oh wow, I bet that was the moment things started to go more smoothly.” (I imagine this to look more like scraping paint of your house with a hand scraper and then employing a sand blaster. The work gets much easier, but there is still much work required. You may have to go back with the scraper to get some tough or tight spots, and then there is the clean-up - but looking back at the finished job you are grateful for the neighbor’s sand blaster, for sure). However it happens for you, appreciate the breakthroughs.
When scientists reach a breakthrough in their research, we hear about it in the news. “Researchers have reached a breakthrough in the fight against (insert condition here). Doctors hope that this means they are closer to a cure for (insert condition again)”. It’s important that when we have breakthroughs of our own, we remember this very important part – a breakthrough is not always a solution, but it is a surefooted step towards our goal. We should be encouraged by breakthroughs and not discouraged by the work that is still ahead. Enjoy the victory of a breakthrough, celebrate it and always be grateful.
My breakthrough:
As you may know, my anxiety – like that of many people who suffer from anxiety and panic disorders - revolves around an irrational fear of death. I’ve spent plenty of time over the last few years feeling guilt over my fears. I’m a Christian. I believe in life after death. I believe God has prepared a place for me in heaven and that life there with Him is greater than what I have the capacity to imagine. So, why am I afraid to die? Am I a bad Christian to not look forward to the afterlife? If He stood before me and offered His hand, would I run and hide? How cowardly! How disrespectful! How ungrateful! But, a few weeks ago I had a breakthrough. I remember it well. I was in the shower offering up my prayers to God when He pointed out to me a difference I had not yet noticed on my own. He asked me what I knew to be true about heaven, about life after death, about Him and His promises. Then He asked me what about death I was most afraid of, what concerned me most, what caused me the most worry. As I answered His questions aloud, I began to realize that dying was not my biggest fear. In fact it wasn’t really among my top 5 biggest fears. My friends, my biggest fear was not living. While that may sound the same, it is actually quite different. The fears I have are about not being able to experience life, about missing out on the gifts He gave me in this life. And in case you haven’t been keeping up, I’ve already been doing that! For the last eight years I’ve been living in a cave trying to avoid death – I don’t want to see it, talk about it, hear about it, remember it, think about it, risk it. Even everyday language has changed… I don’t say “serious as a heart attack,” "live everyday like it's your last," “bored to death,” “you’re killing me,” “I’m dying to see them in concert.” Death by Chocolate dessert? No thanks. SERIOUSLY?! I’ve been missing out on living life to its fullest because I’ve been so preoccupied with fear. Ironic huh? Well, not anymore. I've already started a mantra for when I become hesitant or feel anxiety creep in... I say, "You are not afraid to die, you are afraid of not living - so live right now!"
I’m not yet sure if this breakthrough of mine is the aha moment kind or the sandblaster kind, but it is definitely a breakthrough and for that I am already grateful. I pray for a breakthrough for you in your efforts – a relationship, finances, health or whatever they may be. As for me, I don’t think I’m gonna take up skydiving, but maybe I’ll start checking the dessert menu.
