Parenting Can Get Scary

This week has been particularly taxing.  My son is in his first year of Jr. High and experiencing many of the changes that kids his age are facing these days.  As parents, Joe and I have been experiencing some changes of our own.  While our son is transitioning to different types of school work and new friends, we are adjusting to raising a teen (well, a pre-teen).  We’re learning “new math,” finding out about these new friends and trying to understand new attitudes.  Add this to raising another active child, jobs, home, sports, last-minute Halloween costumes – aaarrrgh!  It’s just a lot.  And honestly, I don’t think I have the wine budget to support it all.

Now, we’re pretty tough on our kids, but the last week has really felt a lot like we’re just nagging and nagging.  Did you check your homework?  Quit picking on your sister!  Hurry up!  Clean your room!  Watch your mouth!  What’s with the attitude?  Don’t procrastinate!

We noticed that all the nagging may actually give him the wrong impression.  While our objective was to help him make a smoother transition, perhaps our methods have been somewhat counter-productive.  We started to think that we were communicating (falsely) that we were unhappy with the young man he is right now, that we are disappointed in what the kid has accomplished and how great he already is.  YIKES!  RESET.  We needed to let him know that we LOVE LOVE LOVE him, are super proud of him and want only the best for him.  Aiming for perfection and speaking out to correct him at every turn has led us astray as parents.  Maybe we need to switch gears and encourage him, support him and recognize him for all the things that he is doing well.  We certainly see those things and know those things, but we have been so focused on the struggles he’s having that we’ve neglected to praise the success he’s having at the same time!

He needs to know that we are happy he is doing well in school, even though he’s dealing with more challenging subjects and more work.  We’re proud of how supportive he is of his sister in her school work and her sports.  We love how much he shows care and affection to his relationships with family and friends, even though most kids his age think that’s not cool.  We appreciate how brave he is to go out and make new friends on his own.  We like how hard he works at sports and music while still trying to help teach others.  We think it’s great how much he reads.  Overall, we want him to know how awesome he is!

It reminds me of how God must feel about us.  When we, as adults, are always focused on what we are doing wrong, what isn’t working out, what we have to fix – God is always loving us for all that we are and all He knows we can and will be.  He loves us in spite of our faults and our mistakes.  And while God guides us to do good, He doesn’t want us to dwell on the past or on the negative.   He is merciful and forgiving.  He really is the ultimate example of how to be a parent.

I can’t wait till Jay gets home today, so I can tell him how great I think he’s doing!  And it’s really nice to know that God forgives me even when this parenting thing gets a little scary.

Put it in Prayer

It is my understanding that sometimes we are called to reach out to others to do God’s will.  Now, sometimes it is by example that we can best introduce those lost sheep to Christ Jesus.  But other times we must step out beyond our comfort zones and do real work to help others to know or re-acquaint with the Lord.  Several months ago, I met someone that is a declared non-believer.  Initially I felt sorrow for this person – living without hope or purpose.  Over the course of time, this difference in our beliefs has really challenged me.  You see, I feel a need to help this sheep find a way back to The Shepherd.   It is difficult not to want the peace of a life with Christ for others.  As a Christian, it’s hard to hear anyone speak out against something so integral to our everyday - to our every breath.  But we are reminded in the Bible, that while we shall make an effort to do God’s work, we should not argue with non-believers.

Pray for God to use you as a way for others to find Him.  Pray for the lost that they may be found, if not through you, some other way.  And pray for God's encouragement, understanding and peace for yourself when you are not the vessel through which a soul is recovered.  Trust that God will save those who are to be saved and He will see to those who are to be lost.

On another note, I wasn’t always a pray-er.  Now, I find very few things more important/satisfying/rewarding/ than the time I spend in prayer.  While I understand not everyone may be called or moved to pray, I am.  So I try and remember that when faced with any roadblock that seems impassable, just pray. If you are not a pray-er, I hope you will give it a shot.  It may be awkward at first, but it’s kind of like trying a new exercise on your own for the first time.  A little uncomfortable.  “Is anyone looking at me?”   “Am I even doing this right?”  “I’ve been at this for a while, is it working?”  Try not to think of a right or wrong way to pray.  You don’t have to memorize anything.  As a matter of fact, my prayers are very much like a conversation.  Just go in with a thankful heart and you really can’t go wrong.

Let me share with you my daily prayer, which is hugely personal by the way.  But in any event, if it helps you to develop your own prayer, I’m happy to help:

Dear Lord, thank you for this day.  Thank you for my family and friends. Thank you for keeping us safe.  Thank you for our good health.  Thank you for your provisions.  Thank you, Lord, for you countless blessings over us – the seen and unseen.  Lord, keep me mindful that I cannot comprehend your works or abilities, that I may be encouraged knowing your power is beyond my imagination.  I pray you will continue to keep us safe and healthy.  I pray you will continue to provide for all of our needs and that you will help us to be a blessing to others.  I pray for your guidance in all I say and do, that I might be good example of what it is to be a member of your family, that others may be led to you.   In the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Of course you may want to pray about specific things, but I have every confidence your prayers will be amazing!

Flip It

I like watching shows about flipping.  It’s cool to see someone purchase a home that is in less than ideal shape and put some work in to make it much more desirable.  Or the one where they find an item in a flea market and turn it into a one-of-a-kind piece.  The flipped project is almost always worth much more after the flip than it was worth in the beginning.  I like to consider myself somewhat creative, but I’m always surprised by the transformations between the before and after.  The ‘reveal’ is great because the ‘after’ confirms the potential that was imagined when we first saw the ‘before.’

Wouldn’t it be great if we looked at life that way?  I imagine we would see lots of potential in our lives, if we committed to looking at it with possibilities in mind.  And if that wasn’t good enough, distressed or worn items are prized finds – offering more character than something shiny and new.  Well, isn’t that good news?

Whether you are interested in making big changes in your life or small changes or if you just want to change how you perceive your circumstances I know God would love to be your celebrity craftsman.  So, just ask!

Ring, Ring... It's For You.

I often wonder how some people live without believing in God.  Where is their hope?  Do they have none? 

There are many examples in the bible that speak of the difficulties in following Jesus or believing in Him.  Trials.  Do I leave my life, my work to become an apostle?  Do I claim Him when I am questioned in an angry crowd?  Even when He performs miracles, do I fail to credit Him as the son of God? 

On many occasions, I have pondered if were I there, would I have been one of those that would have dropped everything to follow Him.  Would I have sit to listen to His teachings, or would I have been among the crowd calling for His crucifixion?  Many a Good Friday I have wept because I fear I would have been among the non-believers or worse, those believers too afraid to admit it.  I’ve been fearful and ashamed that I would likely have lied about my belief to save myself while He was going to His death for that very sin among my many others.  No doubt, being a Christian when He was in the flesh would have been so very hard.  Sometimes I wish my faith had been tested in those days, so I would know if I was good enough to have made the right choices.  (Don’t worry I’ll get back to that).

I guess following Christ now is hard too.  I mean, we can declare ourselves Christians, go to church, wear a cross around our neck, slap a Jesus fish on the back of our cars and call it a day.  But that’s not really following, is it?  No, I’m not afraid to say I believe in God.  I’m not scared to wear the t-shirt or ask for vacation time to attend a Christian women’s event.  I’m not even shy about asking people about their prayer life.  While that is not where I was 20 years ago, it’s not exactly following Him either.

I believe we are all called by God.  He has equipped each of us with a set of gifts, unique to us, that are necessary for our very individualized calling.  Some people are called to do great big things and some of us are called to do very simple things.  I don’t need to know if mine is one or the other, but all of the calls are important and necessary.  Now, I suppose not everyone hears the call or maybe some don’t realize that the ‘noise’ they hear is actually the phone ringing.  But just because we’ve turned our ringer off, it doesn’t change the fact that we’ve got messages piling up – ya know?  The hard part is stepping out onto the water.  I certainly don’t understand the reason for my calling, so it takes faith and trust in someone I’ve never seen or touched before.  Talk about hard.  Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m moving clumsily in the right direction, but I want so much to trust Him so I trudge on.  Oh, and I pray- a lot.  Every day in conversation, I ask if I’m doing this right.  Are you sure?  Just this?  Trust me, I’m like a new hire on the first day – every day.  (Yes, He’s also demonstrating what patience is supposed to look like just dealing with me every day!  LOL)

So you get the call, then what?  My ‘thing’ is not difficult for me, after all it is something I’ve been equipped to do – so it’s right up my alley.  The hard part isn’t doing what I’ve been called to do, it’s everything else:

      1.       That’s it?  Realizing I’m but a tiny fish in a great big sea sure puts things in perspective, thank you.  I’m an extrovert.  I like a challenge.  I tell stories and like to reveal the punchline in a grand finale.  Understanding that my role is so simple is a gut check, one that is remarkably necessary for me to give the props to my Creator and not attribute them to myself.

      2.       Time.  I’m a working mom (I know, redundant).  That means I’ve always got a list of stuff to get done.  Making time to visit with God every day, read The Gospel, meditate on what I’ve read is hard.  Then trying to relate my experience with something worthy and entertaining?  I really need to rely on God to flow through, I’m just a vessel.  This is actually very therapeutic, but carving out the time is still a challenge.

      3.       Acceptance.  Each time I answer my call, I learn something.  It’s not always pretty.  Accepting that new information and applying it to my life is hard.  Who wants to wake up and realize you’ve been doing something wrong and you need to change?  What about not knowing if it’s working?  If you paint a picture and sell it on the street, you know if it touched someone.   Accepting that you may never know if your works have reached someone or brought someone to a relationship with God… for me, that’s hard.  But again it’s about trust and faith in someone other than myself.

      4.       Knowing.  Perhaps this is the most difficult for me.  But knowing, and I mean really knowing, God decided before I was ever formed in my mother’s belly that I was good enough for Him is hard.  Not the belly part, I mean I was a baby – innocent.  But now, grown up me with years and years of sin under her belt and later, the old lady me with more sin than I’d care to look forward to having racked up.  He decided long before I was conceived that I, with all the sin I would ever pack into my carry-on luggage, was good enough.  I’ve done things, thought things that no human may ever know about – but He does.  And still, He’s claimed me?  It’s hard to know that.  What if I could love, forgive like that?  Knowing I don’t have that capacity today, yeah that’s hard too.

I hope you are encouraged to listen for your call.  I pray that however hard it is for you, you will perservere.