A Warm Welcome

I was baptized in Christ as a very young child.  While I attended church and read from The Bible for all of my memory, I can remember becoming wary of inviting others to attend church with me.  I didn’t want to step on someone’s toes or to seem to nag when it came to religious practices.  My position was that it may further push someone away from faith in God rather than bring them closer.  Of course my perspective was also one of a girl that had no ‘formal’ training in The Bible or in evangelism.  How could I possibly be qualified to ‘preach’ to someone when I clearly didn’t have all my stuff together?

As I grew older, that hands off approach became almost a rule that I would follow.  As a matter of fact, even now, as someone that has little hesitation about speaking in front of a crowd or meeting someone new, I struggle with reaching out to others about their faith life.  For Christians this is a message, a reminder if you will, to share The Good News.  For those that do not yet know Christ or perhaps have wandered away from God, this is a warm welcome.  I’ll try not to sound like a condescending holy roller here – When I say “know Christ” I don’t mean like you know Jane Doe down the street.  You know Jane drives a Focus, has 3 children, works at a law office and was the only one that didn’t send a thank you card for the holiday basket you gave to your neighbors last year.  But you really don’t know Jane.   And I don’t mean you ”know Christ” like I did either, going to church every Sunday maybe even attending a religious school and hearing stories about Him.  When I say “know Christ” I’m talking about a personal relationship, more like something you have with your spouse, parent or best friend.

I’d like to tell you I’m a totally certified to explain how God works, what The Bible says and what it all means.  But the truth is I’m not even sure what my role is!  What I do know and what I can tell you is this:  The Good News is that God sent His son, Jesus Christ, to be a savior to the world – you and me and everyone in it that is willing to accept His grace.  That no matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been or what you’ve believed – Jesus has covered it.  That before time began, God knew all you would ever do, all the places you’d ever go and even how you would feel inside and still He said you were worth all of it and so He created you.  From the texture of your hair to the size of your shoes you were designed with not one detail unintentional. (Seriously, you’re couture in the most amazing way – how cool is that?!)  I suppose that is why we are so darned expensive.  Our ransom was paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ, that we would have life eternally.

This message is not to tell you how you are a sinner and how you aren’t going to Heaven.  It’s not to tell you that not believing in Christ is bad and that if you don’t you are a bad person.  So leave all that nonsense at the door.  As I said before, this is a warm welcome, an invitation to wonder.  Wonder if it’s real.  Wonder if all these promises apply to you too.  Wonder what it’s like to know Him.  And, if you’re willing, for just a couple of moments to say “okay, let’s say it IS real, let’s say it DOES apply to me, let’s say I DO want to know Jesus – what happens now?”  It costs nothing to wonder, but I believe it could be worth everything.

Now, I guess I didn’t really invite you to join me for church on Sunday, although you are certainly welcome.  Guess I’m still working on that.  But I hope I’ve made an introduction to a friend you’ll have forever.

Everything Must Go

Wow, all kinds of things are clicking this morning!  I’ve been praying about some things I and my family has been struggling with for a while now, and I think this morning God has broken through and revealed some clarity for me.  I will share some…  

Recently, we had a garage sale.  I tend to wrestle with a couple of things when I have a garage sale:  1. I don’t typically pull out all my clothing, and I have a lot, even if it doesn’t fit.  Instead I keep those items in my closet and wish, hope and pray for the day I’ll fit in them again.  2.  When the sale is over, I don’t usually donate the remaining items.  You see, we are not in a good financial situation, so I have a hard time giving away perfectly good items that may generate some $ at our next yard sale.  

Well, let me tell you what actually happens while I hang onto this stuff:  1. My closet is stuffed with clothes I can’t wear and my garage is cluttered with boxes and items from garage sales past.  2. I beat myself up every time I get dressed because I don’t fit in all those clothes.  I feel guilty, angry, disgusted, (fill in the blank) for what I look like and that all those clothes are sitting there unused.  I am resentful toward every item I do wear, because it’s not the size I have at the back of the closet.  And let me tell you, most of my closet doesn’t fit.  We’re talking 70-80% of my closet is items 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 sizes too small!  3. We have actually forgotten entire boxes of clothing and other items in the garage when we have set up for the next 2 or 3 garage sales.  In fact, I’d say we forget about them almost everytime – so we don’t sell them next time and they just keep accumulating in my garage!  4. I think I’m teaching my kids some really bad habits.  And I’m making my own situation pretty overwhelming.  

Here’s what God asked me to do this time:  1.  Pull it all out.  Take everything (EVERYTHING) out that doesn’t fit or is otherwise not wearable.  (I did, and very little actually sold.  Which I actually started to take as a sign that maybe I should put them back in my closet.)  2.  Donate EVERYTHING that didn’t sale to some charitable organization.  

Wait, what?  

So, what does this mean??  Does this mean I should just give up on ever being a single-digit size again?  Does this mean that whatever profit those items were worth, I should just let it go?  I’ve really been stressing over all of this for nearly a week.  But then something happened.  I realized that God asked me to do these things and I just have to trust Him.  Literally, He’s just asking me to take off my old self and discard it.  And I know what that means – it means I get a new self.  I don’t know if she’ll be a size 4 or if she’ll be able to pay all of her bills on time, but I know she’s who God wants me to be and that’s good enough for me.  I know He has plans for good and not to injure or harm me.  So I can trust Him in this, joyfully, hopefully and entirely.  Here goes nothing – here goes everything!

Rights

For over a year, we have been exposed to the “bathroom” debate.  States around our country have been tasked with making decisions about who can enter a bathroom in a public place.  On one side, those that gender-identify with something other than their birth gender and many supporters are calling for freedom to use public restrooms designated for the gender that they identify with, but were not necessarily born with.  On the other side, those that support gender-specific restrooms chosen based on physical-gender or birth-gender are calling for freedom to use public restrooms designated for the gender they were born with solely among like-gendered individuals.

Please allow me to point out how we should be looking at this issue:  The rights of BOTH groups are at stake.  We tend to look at this as a question of the rights of only one side of this issue, when in fact, both sides have rights.  This argument has raged and truly has moved from the heart of the matter to something far different.  The issue is about a segment of our population feeling comfortable using the restroom.  Instead of addressing this very real and serious conundrum, we have taken to pointing fingers and lashing out at each other.  We have turned this into a political debate about whose rights are more important.  THIS IS AMERICA.  WE ALL HAVE RIGHTS.  And my rights aren’t superior to anyone else’s, nor are they secondary.

When we were faced with a segment of our population that were not considered when building public places and spaces, laws were implemented to protect that segment of our population without discriminating against the remainder of our population.  As a result, we have handicap parking, handicap accessible restrooms, sidewalks, doorways and elevators among other mandated ‘handicap friendly’ changes to previously common building practices.  What a beautiful thing!  The non-handicap segment of our population isn’t forced to use certain doors, ramps or toilets. 

This isn’t that difficult.  A unisex restroom could solve the problem.  No one would be forced to feel uncomfortable or unsafe when going to the restroom.  What’s wrong with that solution?

Here’s what’s ‘wrong:’  Some people will have you believe we shouldn’t recognize the term “gender-identity.”  Likewise, some people will have you believe we shouldn’t use a person’s biological sex to determine gender.  (Do you see the problem?) Who’s right?  Some people have determined that rather than find a practical solution, they would rather channel efforts to making the other side wrong.  Let us take a moment to step back and gain some perspective on what it is that we are asking for, what we're upset about and how we can better respect one another and find solutions that allow all of us to feel comfortable and safe.

Wait For It...

Turning your focus to Jesus.  It sounds easy, you just think about The Lord, right?  You need only put your focus and efforts into doing what He would have you do.  How hard is that?  Well, it ain’t easy.  The hard part for a type-A like myself is that it’s really not about my efforts at all.  Let me put it to you this way…

You know when you get one of those ads in the mail that say, “You are already a winner?”  All you have to do is bring the ad with you to the showroom to see if you have won any of 3 grand prizes or some other prize.  But the offer cannot be redeemed until next Saturday.  What?!  It’s Monday.  So, you already know you are a winner and now you just have to wait.  Do you start daydreaming of what you will do with your grand prize award?  Do you get restless and show up a day or two early to see if they will redeem your ad by chance?  Do you get frustrated and throw away the ad, and tell yourself that with your luck you were probably only gonna walk out with a cheap pedometer anyway?  I know, I’ve been there.

Here’s the thing – when God invites you to stop and look at Him so that He can give you a miraculous blessing… Girl, you better do it!  You ARE already a winner.  And yes, the grand prize is at stake.  However, the grand prize is not listed for you, in fact it’s beyond what you could imagine, so don’t daydream about what you want the prize to be, allow your King to wow you and exceed anything you could possibly expect.  Don’t jump ahead and start trying to identify something as your reward because you are too impatient.  Be still.  Look to Jesus, focus on Him.  Allow Him to pour out His magnificence on you in His time.  Stand there with your hands open, expectant and humble.  And, well, know that luck has nothing to do with this.  The Lord has promised something unto you, that’s blessings not luck.  Also, don’t qualify or disqualify yourself by what you or the world says you don’t deserve.  Not one of us deserves anything from our Heavenly Father, but He has made it quite clear that He wants to shower you with His love and blessings anyway.

It’s hard to wait.  It’s hard to push aside what you want Him to bless you with and to be willing to accept what He wishes to bless you with, but it’s so worth it.

Imagine you have been contemplating a gift for your son.  You know he’s hoping for $100 to put towards that video console he just “has” to have.  But you have been thinking of something else for his 13^th birthday for years.  Your plans to take him on a once-in-a-lifetime trip have been in the works for months.  Now imagine that the week of his party, the culmination of all of your planning (and waiting for the moment you see the elation on his precious man-child face) is only days away.  Your son presses hard into the hint dropping business of that $100.  He wants nothing else.  He knows you have a gift you are super proud to give him, but he assures you that it “better” be that $100.  You have worked for a year and a half to pay off the trip for him and your family and its value is far beyond $100.  You spend those last few days hurt, even heartbroken.  You may even decide to go for the $100.  You may save the news of the trip for an ‘afterthought’ or some non-gift for your family.  Perhaps you decide it would be better appreciated by your parents for an anniversary gift next year or even get a full refund and pay off some lingering bills instead. 

You, me, we are the child in this scenario.  Today is only half over and I’m terribly excited to see what Jesus has planned for me today.  I’m trying my best not to daydream and grow impatient.  I want so much to submit to His will for me today, because I have faith (and experience) that His will for me is far greater than my own.  I pray He will give me grace to rest in Him today and every day, waiting for His blessing.  Focusing on Him.  Putting my eyes on Him alone and allowing the world to rush around me.  Like my lab, Rico, eyes fixed on the one holding the treat regardless of anything else going on around him.  Father God, I want to focus on you like that.  I’m hopeful that it is something amazing.  In fact, I know it is.  I can barely contain my excitement.  Thank you for thinking of me and wanting to bring me into miraculous blessings today.  I don’t understand why you love me.  How?  But I’m so grateful that you do.  Please help me to receive your gift as you intend.  I love you.

Affliction

If you are not a Christian, I pray you will read my story anyway.  Thanks.

Affliction.  I suppose I have more than one, but perhaps the one that stands out to me the most is the anxiety and panic attacks I suffered for over 8 years.  During my recovery, which I believe I’m still in the midst, I’ve learned many valuable lessons.  And while there were many resources that God put in my path to aid in my healing, the greatest factor was without question Jesus Christ.

So, what did I learn?  Well, I remember about two years ago as I was going through a recovery program I was told that part of my inability to get well was because I didn’t want to.  I was instantly offended.  “That couldn’t be me – I’m miserable.  Being subject to anxiety, panic, depression and all the junk that comes along with those diagnoses are difficult to live with.  Surely, I wouldn’t in any way, want to be afflicted with these things, let alone continue to endure them.”  And then I was told the part I was hanging onto, maybe even looking forward to wasn’t the pain and misery, but the “high.”

When you have something like anxiety and panic attacks there are lots of lows.  Depression can creep in, low self-esteem, feelings of failure and loneliness.  It gets deep people.  Think of sinking into a deep void in the ground and not being able to climb out.  The more you struggle up those muddy walls, the deeper the void gets until you resolve to just sit at the bottom and wait to be rescued.  Pretty low, right?  I’d get to places that were unthinkable.  I knew they were not right and I would even feel guilty about how dark my thoughts were.  I was blessed to be introduced to God at a very early age, and well the God I learned of, the God I knew of wouldn’t allow me to be in this place without His grace to sustain it a, so why was it so dark for me?  I would begin to spiral out of control.  Maybe it was a headache I couldn’t explain, a pain in my back, stomach, arm or leg – but I would start to obsess over that one little thing until it was all I could think about.  I would literally make myself sick over it - the breathing, hearing my own heart race, sweating, hearing probably every function our bodies make during a normal day, nausea, getting lightheaded - none of it seemed natural.  This would persist until I would have to be rushed to the hospital.  Sometimes it wasn’t so severe, I would just go into the doctor and have them run up thousands of dollars in tests.  All just so the doctors could come in the room and tell me “Mrs. Sauceda, it looks like you’re fine.  All your tests came back clean.  You’re in perfectly good health.”  There it is, relief.  The high.  Those moments, hours, even days after sometimes when I could breathe deeply and feel safe and alive.  Don’t get me wrong it didn’t always end with a medical visit.  Sometimes it was just having my six year old daughter go with me to the restroom, at home.  There were times I’d have my husband wake up in the middle of the night to stay awake while I slept.  I’m not gonna lie, in a pinch I’ve called someone on the phone and cried silently while they spoke, just so I wasn’t alone.  But that moment of rescue, of relief was a high.  And I had started looking forward to those highs.  This doesn’t mean I was actively staging panic attacks, absolutely not.  My fears were as real as anything can be.  Having someone bring this to my attention, that I was not fully recovering from this because I had become dependent on those moments of relief, well I didn’t take it well.  I remember being angry and offended.  This illness was not of my choosing.  No one decides to be afflicted with fear.  How dare he suggest that I have choice?!

I skipped a few days of my program in protest.  But after a few days of prayer I returned to hear the same message.  And there I found clarity.  Immediately, I thought this opens up a whole world of possibilities!  No, I didn’t choose to have anxiety or panic attacks any more than someone chooses to develop diabetes.  While this may be the cross I was given to bear, I had choices.  Instantly I saw a spectrum of people, afflicted people, did they have choices too?  People addicted to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, those seemed easier to see – they had choices.  Pedophiles had choices.   Homosexuals had choices.  And people that were ill, people with some mental illnesses, people with some diseases, injuries and some disabilities – I saw choices.   It wasn’t as simple as choosing not to be afflicted – that was already done, I already was.  But, choosing to submit to those afflictions or not, well that is where the choice was revealed to me.  I could decide to permanently live in fear, eventually succumbing to darkness, not leaving the house, quitting my job, not driving, not living OR I could fight the uphill battle to be free of my affliction – or at least to use it be a source of help and hope for others.

The question became:

I didn’t choose to be afflicted by anxiety and panic attacks, I have God’s word that I was not created to be afraid – it was not the purpose for which I was intended, but anxiety and panic attacks are like a gift to me, as a way to refine me like the finest gold.  How can I glorify God by coming through this affliction and serving as a testimony to God’s power, mercy and love?

(Woah, I gotta tell you, this feels amazing!)

Okay, so it was hard to admit that I was afflicted.  Who wants to hear that?  Hearing that I had a choice was no picnic either, still a little bummed about that one.  And while realizing that, like it or not, the one true God designed and created every part of me specifically to accomplish some task(s) is overwhelming and awesome, it comes with a big load of responsibility and pressure.  It’s like being at work and your boss picking you to employ a project that only you have the skills to do impeccably.  But God’s word is absolute and true and I have His promise that He will make my imperfection into what it takes to do His will.d  This- part- is- not- easy.  Waiting.  This was not an overnight recovery or transition, in fact I do believe that despite being in recovery for the last two years, I’m still on my way to full and complete recovery.  My affliction was with me for a long time, perhaps long before the 8 years began.  It grew on me, I’d lived with it for so long, it was the only way I knew how to be – it was almost comfortable, even.  Old habits die hard and I still catch myself reverting to what is easy and the path of least resistance.  But, I’ve chosen to be led by Christ – sometimes that means I walk hand in hand with Him and other times it means He’s got my wrist and he’s pulling me along where I can’t get a foothold on my own.e  I just keep saying, “Father, don’t let go of me!”b  And He doesn’t.  He won’t.  Ever.

Today, where I am, I can see the light.  I can feel the warm sun on my face.  It’s still not easy, my life hasn’t turned into rainbows and unicorns overnight.  I still struggle with anxiety and panic attacks, feelings of sadness or failure.  But it is easier.  I don’t delay, I call on God’s help constantly.  The part where I see God and feel Him lighten my load is more frequent and pronounced.  Will it ever be forgotten, will I get so far from my affliction that it will be a distant memory – I hope not.  I want to remember the pain, I want to wear my affliction like a badge or maybe like a crown.c  A trophy.  Like a pelt that proudly proclaims, “I defeated this enemy with the sword.”f  And I’ll wear the sword around my neck too, The Cross, Jesus. 

Maybe this sounds like a stretch to you, but I challenge you – scroll back up and read the question.  What’s your affliction?  Fill it in the blanks.  If you dare to believe that there is ONE true God and He has the power to do all things for His glory, what do you think He will do through you?  If you believed, just for a moment that your affliction is a means to refine you like gold, or diamonds, and that just asking one time could change your whole world into something beyond your wildest imagination – would you do it?  If you aren’t a believer in Jesus Christ, I ask you to open your heart to the possibility for just as long as it takes you to read the question.  If you are a believer, I ask you to do the same.

I prayed for you and over these words before they ever appeared on the screen.  I will keep praying for you, that you know you are loved and worthy because God says you are.g  I pray that you will feel His love for you and come to know Him.  AMEN.

a  1 Corinthians 10:13

b  Psalm 34:17-20

c  James 1:12

d  Philippians 4:19

e  2 Corinthians 11:14

f  Hebrews 4:12

g  Romans 5:8

What's Your Leaky Faucet?

Isn’t it funny how sometimes our environment reminds us to do things we should be doing?  You’ve been meaning to fix that leaky faucet for weeks, and suddenly every stop light, you’re behind some kind of plumbing truck, a plumbing commercial comes on 5 times during your favorite tv show and your work friend tells a story about her handy hubby fixing a little plumbing problem at her house.  Alright already - you get it, so you call a plumber and make an appointment.

Well, there are some leaky faucets in my spiritual house that have been in need of repair for a few months now:

1.      Obedience.  Since I’ve been home, the writing project has been at a stand-still and I’ve been looking for some direction on exactly what format I should be working on, even when He says "Just Write."

2.      Smallness.  I’m a bit of a day-dreamer, always have been.  Just about anything coming up, I’ll day dream constantly about how it’s going to turn out.  I tend to dream big, so when things don’t turn out as perfectly as I’ve imagined it’s a big let-down.  Isn't bigger better?

3.      Stillness.  I’m not a real go-with-the-flow kind of girl.  I’d love to be, mostly.  But the truth is I’m a lister.  Make a list and check it off one by one.  No list, no direction.  No checks, you’ve failed.  And I’m not very patient.   So, you can see where 1 and 2 may become more of a problem.

In May, when God asked me to leave the job I had and come home to write for him full-time, I did.  But, when I told anyone what I was doing, I realized how crazy that sounded.  How do you tell anyone you left a paying job to go home and jot things down from time to time without sounding like a loon?!  Stillness.  So, I thought it would be better to tell people I was working on a book.    Besides, I didn’t know what I was supposed to write anyway, so I thought it best to give myself a little push, a direction to get me going.  Smallness.  I started to dream, “I bet this book will be so good it will hit the talk show circuits, get made into a movie and reach lots of people.  That’s probably what God has planned”.  I wasn’t hoping for fame and fortune, I wanted to credit it all to God.  But I did think that would probably be the way he would provide for my family.  I had it all figured out. (Insert laugh here).  Obedience.  Only, four months later, the book doesn’t look very much like a book – heck, it doesn’t look like very much of anything.  Actually, it looks like a couple of hand-written pages of characters in a spiral notebook, it looks like a few lines of song lyrics in another spiral notebook, it looks like a schedule to an app for teens and it looks like a few pages of reflection over a couple of scriptures.  I was all over the place and no closer to knowing what I was doing than when I started.  I am no closer to A.  Finishing so I can go back to a paying job, or B.  Being compensated for what I’m working on.  And what’s worse, I felt like a flighty mess creating a stress on her family.

Okay, so you can say I’ve kind of led myself awry.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve been presented several scriptures and sermons specifically dedicated to these topics.  While I prayed for guidance in a couple of areas, I didn’t seek out these scriptures or search for topical sermons – they are simply what was presented in my daily bible readings.  Well, at least I knew who to call to get my house fixed.  In matters of obedience, we can look to the story of Abraham and Sarah in the book of Genesis.  Not only did God promise them a son, but He promised 75 year old Abraham that his descendants would be an entire nation.  And after 25 years, there was no son.  And even though Sarah chose to take matters into her own hands, God’s plan was still far greater than what anyone could’ve imagined.  What a lesson of faith, waiting, trust and obedience.  For me, I’ve been stressing over what to write, wanting to make sure it’s “big enough,” even dreaming about how it will turn out.  But I can be reminded of the importance of smallness and making ourselves small is what God wants of us in Luke 9:46-50.  And finally, when waiting leaves me wanting and perhaps meddling in His work,  I see how God’s stillness and silence even when his friend Lazarus is dying can make way for the unimaginable God has planned in John, chapter 11.

But if putting those biblical reminders in my view was not enough, Jesus set up a very tangible example for me yesterday.  He asked for obedience and stillness to introduce me to two Godly women in a way we all recognized as His work.  And in that meeting he joined us in prayer giving us specific words and directions to further encourage and bless all three of us, no longer strangers – but sisters.  If you don’t believe God can do that for you in whatever difficulties you are facing right now, I pray that you will open your heart to Him.  Don’t dismiss those thoughts or moments when He whispers to your heart.  Instead, pray for His presence and open your bible or a bible app to any page and let the Holy Spirit guide your understanding.

APPS

Check out some of my favorite apps:  Laudate’s Daily Readings, Reflection and All Podcasts isn’t just for Catholics.  First5 from the folks at Proverbs 31 is great for women, but I think men would also enjoy it.  And, Your Move with Andy Stanley was recently recommended to me and I couldn’t be more excited about sharing this format with my family.  If you have some app recommendations for me, please leave a comment below so we can check ‘em out.

TOPICS/QUESTIONS

If there is a topic you’d like me to look into or if you have any questions, please leave it in the comments.

I'm All In

So, I’ve been off the radar for the past few months ‘working’ on a project.  And I have news to share.

One weekend in May, I was in my morning prayer when God asked me quite specifically to leave my job and come home to work for him.  I’d been contemplating a task he’d put on my heart for some time, “Just Write” he said.  For months I’d been trying to write something substantial, something worthy.  “Just Write” he would say.  So there I was fitting it into my week, squeezing in a little time here and there to put pen to paper when I could.  After feeling like I was getting nowhere, I began to question exactly what it was I was being called to do – had I misunderstood?  After all I’m just a girl, perhaps I got it wrong.  So that morning in prayer, after months of silence, God spoke to me loud and clear.  He said, you should write that.  [That being a screenplay or something to be used for a motion picture].  I’d never done that before, I didn’t – correction, don’t know the first thing about writing something like that.  Well, the conversation began and here’s how it went:

            Me:  Well, that sounds awesome, but I haven’t a clue how to go about that.

            Him:  I know, but I’ve equipped you with the tools to carry this out.

            Me:  Okay then, that’s what I’ll do!  So, since I’ve been dealing with PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks that’s probably what I should write about.  Oh, I bet that will help so many people – I’m so excited.

            Him:  Yes, that will be a project for you to work on later.  Right now I want you to work on something about taking a leap of faith.  The Leap.

            Me:  The Leap?  That’s a great title.  Well, I do love that subject.  This is fantastic!  Thank you for the direction, I needed this.  I’ll make time after work to work on this project, as often as I can.

            Him:  Why not every day?

            Me:  Okay, then I’ll make time to work on it after work every day.

            Him:  Why not make THIS your full-time job?

            Me:  Okay, but how will we pay our bills – how will I make what we need to pay the bills?

            Him: Don’t worry about that, I’ll provide for all that you need.

            Me:  Are you sure I can get this done?  I’ve never done anything like this.  I’m not sure I’m creative enough or smart enough.  I’m not sure I’m enough of anything, really.

            Him:  I have made you enough.

So, after a good cry (all extremely grateful and happy tears) I called Joe in to tell him the news.  We’d already been living paycheck to paycheck with my salary, so the idea of dropping to one income was beyond what any math could calculate to cover our cost of living.  But, my husband was immediately on board.  He said, “the Lord has never failed us before, so if he says he’s got us covered I’m sure he does.”  We shared the news with our very supportive children and family.

The next week I gave my two weeks notice at work.  In the weeks that followed I told different people, co-workers, family and friends about my new project.  I assumed it would be a challenge to tell people about it without sounding flighty and a little nuts, so I preemptively tempered how I would tell people.  But not one person ever questioned.  Each person I told was supportive and enthusiastic.  Perhaps God was already providing me an atmosphere of encouragement and support.  Yay!  This was starting out great.

I came home and spent the entire summer with my kids – it was a bonus I hadn’t given enough credit.  I created a routine for getting the house in order, started an exercise regimen and made changes to our household budget to help us get by with less.  I worked on some plot and character development and looked into tools for creating a screenplay.  Then I stalled.  I prayed for direction and creativity.  I started to think perhaps I was going in the wrong direction.  Maybe I should be writing a book.  Begin again.  Stall again.  Pray again.  Maybe I should be working on an app.  Begin again.  Stall again.  Pray again.  When people ask what I do for a living, be vague.  When people ask how the writing is going, give a creative answer without actually giving an answer, be vague.  People will think you have failed.  They will think you’re flighty – all over the place.  They’ll think, God didn’t say anything to you – you just screwed up – you’re a mess.

Adding insult to injury, the car’s compressor goes, then the other’s tires go out, then the car a/c goes out (it’s summer in Houston people) and now the freezer just died.  With finances getting more strained I was becoming more and more distracted and my creative well was running low.  I began to think the best thing for my family would be me finding a job and going back to work.  I obviously was not getting this project going fast enough, and we would run out of resources before I could possibly be of any help financially.  How am I supposed to provide for my family like this?

And then He answered – I’m not.  I’m supposed to “Just Write” and HE will provide for all of our needs.  That’s what God said at the start and that has not changed (and it will not change).  I just need to renew my trust in Him.  It’s not about how fast I get it done, or the speed at which progress happens.  There should be no re-thinking our conversation.  He WAS specific.  He doesn’t make mistakes or choose wrong words.  He made sure I heard and understood each and every word perfectly.  There should be no second-guessing.  If I trust Him fully to provide the tools, the creativity, the financial and loving care for me and my family these distractions will have no impact.  Fear and doubt will fall away and I can get back to the task at hand.  Vague answers be damned.

I was asked by God to leave my job, come home and write The Leap, a story about what it is to take a leap of faith.  This story will one day be a motion picture and it will touch and encourage many.  I have no idea how I will do this, but God has assured me He has it figured out, so I’m all in.

Do you feel distracted?  Is the enemy throwing things at you to keep you from trusting God, to keep you in doubt, to keep you from doing what God has called you to do?  Remember Abram (Genesis 15) and the covenant God cut for him; The covenant he cut for us.  Be encouraged.

*I don't have advertisers on this page, but I have been really happy with an app I use daily.  Perhaps you will benefit from it as well.  #first5 app for apple and android users.  Also, keep in mind that September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, learn more about it at www.ovarian.org or search for Ovarian Cancer Awareness.