What's Your Leaky Faucet?

Isn’t it funny how sometimes our environment reminds us to do things we should be doing?  You’ve been meaning to fix that leaky faucet for weeks, and suddenly every stop light, you’re behind some kind of plumbing truck, a plumbing commercial comes on 5 times during your favorite tv show and your work friend tells a story about her handy hubby fixing a little plumbing problem at her house.  Alright already - you get it, so you call a plumber and make an appointment.

Well, there are some leaky faucets in my spiritual house that have been in need of repair for a few months now:

1.      Obedience.  Since I’ve been home, the writing project has been at a stand-still and I’ve been looking for some direction on exactly what format I should be working on, even when He says "Just Write."

2.      Smallness.  I’m a bit of a day-dreamer, always have been.  Just about anything coming up, I’ll day dream constantly about how it’s going to turn out.  I tend to dream big, so when things don’t turn out as perfectly as I’ve imagined it’s a big let-down.  Isn't bigger better?

3.      Stillness.  I’m not a real go-with-the-flow kind of girl.  I’d love to be, mostly.  But the truth is I’m a lister.  Make a list and check it off one by one.  No list, no direction.  No checks, you’ve failed.  And I’m not very patient.   So, you can see where 1 and 2 may become more of a problem.

In May, when God asked me to leave the job I had and come home to write for him full-time, I did.  But, when I told anyone what I was doing, I realized how crazy that sounded.  How do you tell anyone you left a paying job to go home and jot things down from time to time without sounding like a loon?!  Stillness.  So, I thought it would be better to tell people I was working on a book.    Besides, I didn’t know what I was supposed to write anyway, so I thought it best to give myself a little push, a direction to get me going.  Smallness.  I started to dream, “I bet this book will be so good it will hit the talk show circuits, get made into a movie and reach lots of people.  That’s probably what God has planned”.  I wasn’t hoping for fame and fortune, I wanted to credit it all to God.  But I did think that would probably be the way he would provide for my family.  I had it all figured out. (Insert laugh here).  Obedience.  Only, four months later, the book doesn’t look very much like a book – heck, it doesn’t look like very much of anything.  Actually, it looks like a couple of hand-written pages of characters in a spiral notebook, it looks like a few lines of song lyrics in another spiral notebook, it looks like a schedule to an app for teens and it looks like a few pages of reflection over a couple of scriptures.  I was all over the place and no closer to knowing what I was doing than when I started.  I am no closer to A.  Finishing so I can go back to a paying job, or B.  Being compensated for what I’m working on.  And what’s worse, I felt like a flighty mess creating a stress on her family.

Okay, so you can say I’ve kind of led myself awry.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve been presented several scriptures and sermons specifically dedicated to these topics.  While I prayed for guidance in a couple of areas, I didn’t seek out these scriptures or search for topical sermons – they are simply what was presented in my daily bible readings.  Well, at least I knew who to call to get my house fixed.  In matters of obedience, we can look to the story of Abraham and Sarah in the book of Genesis.  Not only did God promise them a son, but He promised 75 year old Abraham that his descendants would be an entire nation.  And after 25 years, there was no son.  And even though Sarah chose to take matters into her own hands, God’s plan was still far greater than what anyone could’ve imagined.  What a lesson of faith, waiting, trust and obedience.  For me, I’ve been stressing over what to write, wanting to make sure it’s “big enough,” even dreaming about how it will turn out.  But I can be reminded of the importance of smallness and making ourselves small is what God wants of us in Luke 9:46-50.  And finally, when waiting leaves me wanting and perhaps meddling in His work,  I see how God’s stillness and silence even when his friend Lazarus is dying can make way for the unimaginable God has planned in John, chapter 11.

But if putting those biblical reminders in my view was not enough, Jesus set up a very tangible example for me yesterday.  He asked for obedience and stillness to introduce me to two Godly women in a way we all recognized as His work.  And in that meeting he joined us in prayer giving us specific words and directions to further encourage and bless all three of us, no longer strangers – but sisters.  If you don’t believe God can do that for you in whatever difficulties you are facing right now, I pray that you will open your heart to Him.  Don’t dismiss those thoughts or moments when He whispers to your heart.  Instead, pray for His presence and open your bible or a bible app to any page and let the Holy Spirit guide your understanding.

APPS

Check out some of my favorite apps:  Laudate’s Daily Readings, Reflection and All Podcasts isn’t just for Catholics.  First5 from the folks at Proverbs 31 is great for women, but I think men would also enjoy it.  And, Your Move with Andy Stanley was recently recommended to me and I couldn’t be more excited about sharing this format with my family.  If you have some app recommendations for me, please leave a comment below so we can check ‘em out.

TOPICS/QUESTIONS

If there is a topic you’d like me to look into or if you have any questions, please leave it in the comments.

I'm All In

So, I’ve been off the radar for the past few months ‘working’ on a project.  And I have news to share.

One weekend in May, I was in my morning prayer when God asked me quite specifically to leave my job and come home to work for him.  I’d been contemplating a task he’d put on my heart for some time, “Just Write” he said.  For months I’d been trying to write something substantial, something worthy.  “Just Write” he would say.  So there I was fitting it into my week, squeezing in a little time here and there to put pen to paper when I could.  After feeling like I was getting nowhere, I began to question exactly what it was I was being called to do – had I misunderstood?  After all I’m just a girl, perhaps I got it wrong.  So that morning in prayer, after months of silence, God spoke to me loud and clear.  He said, you should write that.  [That being a screenplay or something to be used for a motion picture].  I’d never done that before, I didn’t – correction, don’t know the first thing about writing something like that.  Well, the conversation began and here’s how it went:

            Me:  Well, that sounds awesome, but I haven’t a clue how to go about that.

            Him:  I know, but I’ve equipped you with the tools to carry this out.

            Me:  Okay then, that’s what I’ll do!  So, since I’ve been dealing with PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks that’s probably what I should write about.  Oh, I bet that will help so many people – I’m so excited.

            Him:  Yes, that will be a project for you to work on later.  Right now I want you to work on something about taking a leap of faith.  The Leap.

            Me:  The Leap?  That’s a great title.  Well, I do love that subject.  This is fantastic!  Thank you for the direction, I needed this.  I’ll make time after work to work on this project, as often as I can.

            Him:  Why not every day?

            Me:  Okay, then I’ll make time to work on it after work every day.

            Him:  Why not make THIS your full-time job?

            Me:  Okay, but how will we pay our bills – how will I make what we need to pay the bills?

            Him: Don’t worry about that, I’ll provide for all that you need.

            Me:  Are you sure I can get this done?  I’ve never done anything like this.  I’m not sure I’m creative enough or smart enough.  I’m not sure I’m enough of anything, really.

            Him:  I have made you enough.

So, after a good cry (all extremely grateful and happy tears) I called Joe in to tell him the news.  We’d already been living paycheck to paycheck with my salary, so the idea of dropping to one income was beyond what any math could calculate to cover our cost of living.  But, my husband was immediately on board.  He said, “the Lord has never failed us before, so if he says he’s got us covered I’m sure he does.”  We shared the news with our very supportive children and family.

The next week I gave my two weeks notice at work.  In the weeks that followed I told different people, co-workers, family and friends about my new project.  I assumed it would be a challenge to tell people about it without sounding flighty and a little nuts, so I preemptively tempered how I would tell people.  But not one person ever questioned.  Each person I told was supportive and enthusiastic.  Perhaps God was already providing me an atmosphere of encouragement and support.  Yay!  This was starting out great.

I came home and spent the entire summer with my kids – it was a bonus I hadn’t given enough credit.  I created a routine for getting the house in order, started an exercise regimen and made changes to our household budget to help us get by with less.  I worked on some plot and character development and looked into tools for creating a screenplay.  Then I stalled.  I prayed for direction and creativity.  I started to think perhaps I was going in the wrong direction.  Maybe I should be writing a book.  Begin again.  Stall again.  Pray again.  Maybe I should be working on an app.  Begin again.  Stall again.  Pray again.  When people ask what I do for a living, be vague.  When people ask how the writing is going, give a creative answer without actually giving an answer, be vague.  People will think you have failed.  They will think you’re flighty – all over the place.  They’ll think, God didn’t say anything to you – you just screwed up – you’re a mess.

Adding insult to injury, the car’s compressor goes, then the other’s tires go out, then the car a/c goes out (it’s summer in Houston people) and now the freezer just died.  With finances getting more strained I was becoming more and more distracted and my creative well was running low.  I began to think the best thing for my family would be me finding a job and going back to work.  I obviously was not getting this project going fast enough, and we would run out of resources before I could possibly be of any help financially.  How am I supposed to provide for my family like this?

And then He answered – I’m not.  I’m supposed to “Just Write” and HE will provide for all of our needs.  That’s what God said at the start and that has not changed (and it will not change).  I just need to renew my trust in Him.  It’s not about how fast I get it done, or the speed at which progress happens.  There should be no re-thinking our conversation.  He WAS specific.  He doesn’t make mistakes or choose wrong words.  He made sure I heard and understood each and every word perfectly.  There should be no second-guessing.  If I trust Him fully to provide the tools, the creativity, the financial and loving care for me and my family these distractions will have no impact.  Fear and doubt will fall away and I can get back to the task at hand.  Vague answers be damned.

I was asked by God to leave my job, come home and write The Leap, a story about what it is to take a leap of faith.  This story will one day be a motion picture and it will touch and encourage many.  I have no idea how I will do this, but God has assured me He has it figured out, so I’m all in.

Do you feel distracted?  Is the enemy throwing things at you to keep you from trusting God, to keep you in doubt, to keep you from doing what God has called you to do?  Remember Abram (Genesis 15) and the covenant God cut for him; The covenant he cut for us.  Be encouraged.

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