So it is that although we may each have a cross to bear, we also are given free will to make choices. As you know, I have struggled with a tug of war between stress, anxiety and then guilt and depression that come from succumbing to that cycle. For years, it has been quite a difficult journey where progress is sometimes measured by two steps forward and one step back. However, recently I was blessed with God's undeniable word and His amazing mercy and grace to heal my wounds and to relieve me of my afflictions. Now, let me explain. This doesn't mean I will no longer have anxiety or panic attacks (something that took me a little by surprise and honestly caused me to question if I misunderstood His message). I was given His word, absolute truth, as an instrument - a weapon, if you will - to wield against the enemy when he knocks on the door. You see, like many things that people struggle with, my anxiety is a temptation. Some people are tempted by alcohol and drugs, some by inappropriate or dangerous relationships, others by gambling or any of a host of other vices. For me, it's a fondness for my worldly relationships, human mortality and need for reassurance. While I am hopeful that at some point there won't be a knock at the door anymore at all, I have to accept that in order for that to happen, I'll have to work day and night to discourage the enemy. I'll have to wear him down. But the enemy is tricky, so I'll need to stay in top condition just in case he tries again.
You know how when a sales guy comes to your door trying to get you to buy a vacuum, you answer the door to let him down easy, tell him you're not interested in what he's selling? But you still went to the door, you opened it, honestly he still has a chance of selling you on it. Maybe you say, "oh I'll have to talk to my spouse about it" and he goes away. But, he'll be back, he'll knock again. And after coming by time after time with no one coming to the door he might finally give up. Or, he may pop back up in a few months and catch you off guard. He might even get invited in to do a demonstration - oh no!
We cannot allow ourselves to fall to temptation. It's safer not to even answer the door, don't acknowledge the enemy, we don't need a demonstration! (Matthew 4:1-11)
But don't worry, we need not work alone, the Lord is always in our corner, always has our back. And although we may struggle with temptation, we have not been abandoned and we are not cast out on our rears. He has promised us that through Jesus Christ we have been acquitted and justified. (Romans 5:12-19) As always, all we need to do is ask. Go to Him in prayer with a thankful heart and tell Him how much you need His love and assistance.
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FYI, I watched a really good movie with my family last night. For me and the things I struggle with, it was an especially touching message of how many ways we can look at each day and enjoy them. Check it out if you'd like, About Time with Rachel McAdams (she's adorable).
And just because I think it relates and it is so beautiful:
Romans 5:1-11, Faith, Hope, and Love. 1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance,4 and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us. 6 For Christ, while we were still helpless, yet died at the appointed time for the ungodly.7 Indeed, only with difficulty does one die for a just person, though perhaps for a good person one might even find courage to die. 8 But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. 9 How much more then, since we are now justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from the wrath. 10 Indeed, if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, how much more, once reconciled, will we be saved by his life. 11 Not only that, but we also boast of God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
Scripture courtesy of www.usccb.org/bible
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