This week has been particularly taxing. My son is in his first year of Jr. High and experiencing
many of the changes that kids his age are facing these days. As parents, Joe and I have been experiencing
some changes of our own. While our son
is transitioning to different types of school work and new friends, we are
adjusting to raising a teen (well, a pre-teen).
We’re learning “new math,” finding out about these new friends and
trying to understand new attitudes. Add
this to raising another active child, jobs, home, sports, last-minute Halloween
costumes – aaarrrgh! It’s just a
lot. And honestly, I don’t think I have
the wine budget to support it all.
Now, we’re pretty tough on our kids, but the last week has
really felt a lot like we’re just nagging and nagging. Did you
check your homework? Quit picking on
your sister! Hurry up! Clean your room! Watch your mouth! What’s with the attitude? Don’t procrastinate!
We noticed that all the nagging may actually give him the
wrong impression. While our objective
was to help him make a smoother transition, perhaps our methods have been
somewhat counter-productive. We started
to think that we were communicating (falsely) that we were unhappy with the
young man he is right now, that we are disappointed in what the kid has
accomplished and how great he already is.
YIKES! RESET. We needed to let him know that we LOVE LOVE
LOVE him, are super proud of him and want only the best for him. Aiming for perfection and speaking out to
correct him at every turn has led us astray as parents. Maybe we need to switch gears and encourage
him, support him and recognize him for all the things that he is doing
well. We certainly see those things and
know those things, but we have been so focused on the struggles he’s having
that we’ve neglected to praise the success he’s having at the same time!
He needs to know that we are happy he is doing well in
school, even though he’s dealing with more challenging subjects and more
work. We’re proud of how supportive he
is of his sister in her school work and her sports. We love how much he shows care and affection
to his relationships with family and friends, even though most kids his age
think that’s not cool. We appreciate how
brave he is to go out and make new friends on his own. We like how hard he works at sports and music
while still trying to help teach others.
We think it’s great how much he reads.
Overall, we want him to know how awesome he is!
It reminds me of how God must feel about us. When we, as adults, are always focused on
what we are doing wrong, what isn’t working out, what we have to fix – God is
always loving us for all that we are and all He knows we can and will be. He loves us in spite of our faults and our
mistakes. And while God guides us to do
good, He doesn’t want us to dwell on the past or on the negative. He is merciful and forgiving. He really is the ultimate example of how to
be a parent.
I can’t wait till Jay gets home today, so I can tell him how
great I think he’s doing! And it’s really
nice to know that God forgives me even when this parenting thing gets a little
scary.
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