I'm not really sure what a 'start up' blog looks like, so I'll begin with telling you about me and that's how I'll get back to the title of this blog and of this post, I promise. My name is Jessica. I'm a wife and mother of two great kids. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and GAD and have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for over 6 years. If you know anything about anxiety, you know that it affects many people at various levels of intensity that can range from a fairly mild feeling of stress to a full-on attack that might feel like you will certainly die at any given second. Now, I know the words "I feel like I'm about to die" are over used and often very melodramatic. However, when you suffer from GAD you really might feel like you are dying. It's some weird physiological something or other that basically goes like this: A trigger sets off some fears in the brain, causing you to be hyper-sensitive to natural physical reactions your body has to fear (increased heart rate, sweating and nausea among others), then you fear those reactions as life-threatening and the cycle can keep going for minutes or hours. For me, it's usually followed by feelings of guilt and frustration that can last days. Not fun.
So, like I said, whatever the trigger it's mental. How I process that trigger kicks off the whole thing. Even the physical reactions my body has are processed by my mind... so in a way, it's all in my head! (laughs) Which is why I choose to poke fun of my anxiety disorder. I've always joked with my friends and family, "okay, no crazy jokes."
I've tried the meds (and I didn't like them and avoid them when I can now), tried therapy (which I recommend), meditation (awesome), a 14-week recovery program (I love and will plug often) but the most important tool in my recovery from this disorder is faith in God and His promises.
While I cannot and will not quote you scripture from memory, I can tell you that God has been a very important element in my recovery from anxiety and panic attacks. Actually, He is THE most important element. He led me to the other tools that I use now and he guides me on a daily path to freedom from my fear and anxiety. When I'm so shook up I must cling to a door frame for an hour, when I cannot get to sleep without crying into the shoulder of my sleep deprived husband or when I just zombie through a day with a feeling of fear hanging around like a bad haircut - He is my go-to. Always. It's not always pleasant. I'm not healed. But on more than one occasion, God has directly told me to share my story even if I'm still standing knee-deep in it. So this is my testimony, no matter what it is I am going through, no matter what it is that YOU are going through, to bring those troubles to God. Praise His mercy. Take the time to find as many blessings as you can and thank Him for them every single day. Open your bible (or your bible app) and hear Him speak His promises over your life. So, although I falter, I experience moments of weakness in my faith, I question my role in the big picture - and I do these often - I'm always grateful to God. I always know He's got my back. There will be days when I ache, when I hurt physically, when all I can say to my family and God is I'm sorry for not being stronger, better. There will be days when I'm freakin' scared of nothing in particular. And then there will be mornings, like this one when I finally do what God asks me to do - act because He says so. Mornings like this one when I am feeling healthy, looking forward to the joys of the day and thankful!Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns
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