Parenting Can Get Scary

This week has been particularly taxing.  My son is in his first year of Jr. High and experiencing many of the changes that kids his age are facing these days.  As parents, Joe and I have been experiencing some changes of our own.  While our son is transitioning to different types of school work and new friends, we are adjusting to raising a teen (well, a pre-teen).  We’re learning “new math,” finding out about these new friends and trying to understand new attitudes.  Add this to raising another active child, jobs, home, sports, last-minute Halloween costumes – aaarrrgh!  It’s just a lot.  And honestly, I don’t think I have the wine budget to support it all.

Now, we’re pretty tough on our kids, but the last week has really felt a lot like we’re just nagging and nagging.  Did you check your homework?  Quit picking on your sister!  Hurry up!  Clean your room!  Watch your mouth!  What’s with the attitude?  Don’t procrastinate!

We noticed that all the nagging may actually give him the wrong impression.  While our objective was to help him make a smoother transition, perhaps our methods have been somewhat counter-productive.  We started to think that we were communicating (falsely) that we were unhappy with the young man he is right now, that we are disappointed in what the kid has accomplished and how great he already is.  YIKES!  RESET.  We needed to let him know that we LOVE LOVE LOVE him, are super proud of him and want only the best for him.  Aiming for perfection and speaking out to correct him at every turn has led us astray as parents.  Maybe we need to switch gears and encourage him, support him and recognize him for all the things that he is doing well.  We certainly see those things and know those things, but we have been so focused on the struggles he’s having that we’ve neglected to praise the success he’s having at the same time!

He needs to know that we are happy he is doing well in school, even though he’s dealing with more challenging subjects and more work.  We’re proud of how supportive he is of his sister in her school work and her sports.  We love how much he shows care and affection to his relationships with family and friends, even though most kids his age think that’s not cool.  We appreciate how brave he is to go out and make new friends on his own.  We like how hard he works at sports and music while still trying to help teach others.  We think it’s great how much he reads.  Overall, we want him to know how awesome he is!

It reminds me of how God must feel about us.  When we, as adults, are always focused on what we are doing wrong, what isn’t working out, what we have to fix – God is always loving us for all that we are and all He knows we can and will be.  He loves us in spite of our faults and our mistakes.  And while God guides us to do good, He doesn’t want us to dwell on the past or on the negative.   He is merciful and forgiving.  He really is the ultimate example of how to be a parent.

I can’t wait till Jay gets home today, so I can tell him how great I think he’s doing!  And it’s really nice to know that God forgives me even when this parenting thing gets a little scary.

Put it in Prayer

It is my understanding that sometimes we are called to reach out to others to do God’s will.  Now, sometimes it is by example that we can best introduce those lost sheep to Christ Jesus.  But other times we must step out beyond our comfort zones and do real work to help others to know or re-acquaint with the Lord.  Several months ago, I met someone that is a declared non-believer.  Initially I felt sorrow for this person – living without hope or purpose.  Over the course of time, this difference in our beliefs has really challenged me.  You see, I feel a need to help this sheep find a way back to The Shepherd.   It is difficult not to want the peace of a life with Christ for others.  As a Christian, it’s hard to hear anyone speak out against something so integral to our everyday - to our every breath.  But we are reminded in the Bible, that while we shall make an effort to do God’s work, we should not argue with non-believers.

Pray for God to use you as a way for others to find Him.  Pray for the lost that they may be found, if not through you, some other way.  And pray for God's encouragement, understanding and peace for yourself when you are not the vessel through which a soul is recovered.  Trust that God will save those who are to be saved and He will see to those who are to be lost.

On another note, I wasn’t always a pray-er.  Now, I find very few things more important/satisfying/rewarding/ than the time I spend in prayer.  While I understand not everyone may be called or moved to pray, I am.  So I try and remember that when faced with any roadblock that seems impassable, just pray. If you are not a pray-er, I hope you will give it a shot.  It may be awkward at first, but it’s kind of like trying a new exercise on your own for the first time.  A little uncomfortable.  “Is anyone looking at me?”   “Am I even doing this right?”  “I’ve been at this for a while, is it working?”  Try not to think of a right or wrong way to pray.  You don’t have to memorize anything.  As a matter of fact, my prayers are very much like a conversation.  Just go in with a thankful heart and you really can’t go wrong.

Let me share with you my daily prayer, which is hugely personal by the way.  But in any event, if it helps you to develop your own prayer, I’m happy to help:

Dear Lord, thank you for this day.  Thank you for my family and friends. Thank you for keeping us safe.  Thank you for our good health.  Thank you for your provisions.  Thank you, Lord, for you countless blessings over us – the seen and unseen.  Lord, keep me mindful that I cannot comprehend your works or abilities, that I may be encouraged knowing your power is beyond my imagination.  I pray you will continue to keep us safe and healthy.  I pray you will continue to provide for all of our needs and that you will help us to be a blessing to others.  I pray for your guidance in all I say and do, that I might be good example of what it is to be a member of your family, that others may be led to you.   In the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Of course you may want to pray about specific things, but I have every confidence your prayers will be amazing!

Flip It

I like watching shows about flipping.  It’s cool to see someone purchase a home that is in less than ideal shape and put some work in to make it much more desirable.  Or the one where they find an item in a flea market and turn it into a one-of-a-kind piece.  The flipped project is almost always worth much more after the flip than it was worth in the beginning.  I like to consider myself somewhat creative, but I’m always surprised by the transformations between the before and after.  The ‘reveal’ is great because the ‘after’ confirms the potential that was imagined when we first saw the ‘before.’

Wouldn’t it be great if we looked at life that way?  I imagine we would see lots of potential in our lives, if we committed to looking at it with possibilities in mind.  And if that wasn’t good enough, distressed or worn items are prized finds – offering more character than something shiny and new.  Well, isn’t that good news?

Whether you are interested in making big changes in your life or small changes or if you just want to change how you perceive your circumstances I know God would love to be your celebrity craftsman.  So, just ask!

Ring, Ring... It's For You.

I often wonder how some people live without believing in God.  Where is their hope?  Do they have none? 

There are many examples in the bible that speak of the difficulties in following Jesus or believing in Him.  Trials.  Do I leave my life, my work to become an apostle?  Do I claim Him when I am questioned in an angry crowd?  Even when He performs miracles, do I fail to credit Him as the son of God? 

On many occasions, I have pondered if were I there, would I have been one of those that would have dropped everything to follow Him.  Would I have sit to listen to His teachings, or would I have been among the crowd calling for His crucifixion?  Many a Good Friday I have wept because I fear I would have been among the non-believers or worse, those believers too afraid to admit it.  I’ve been fearful and ashamed that I would likely have lied about my belief to save myself while He was going to His death for that very sin among my many others.  No doubt, being a Christian when He was in the flesh would have been so very hard.  Sometimes I wish my faith had been tested in those days, so I would know if I was good enough to have made the right choices.  (Don’t worry I’ll get back to that).

I guess following Christ now is hard too.  I mean, we can declare ourselves Christians, go to church, wear a cross around our neck, slap a Jesus fish on the back of our cars and call it a day.  But that’s not really following, is it?  No, I’m not afraid to say I believe in God.  I’m not scared to wear the t-shirt or ask for vacation time to attend a Christian women’s event.  I’m not even shy about asking people about their prayer life.  While that is not where I was 20 years ago, it’s not exactly following Him either.

I believe we are all called by God.  He has equipped each of us with a set of gifts, unique to us, that are necessary for our very individualized calling.  Some people are called to do great big things and some of us are called to do very simple things.  I don’t need to know if mine is one or the other, but all of the calls are important and necessary.  Now, I suppose not everyone hears the call or maybe some don’t realize that the ‘noise’ they hear is actually the phone ringing.  But just because we’ve turned our ringer off, it doesn’t change the fact that we’ve got messages piling up – ya know?  The hard part is stepping out onto the water.  I certainly don’t understand the reason for my calling, so it takes faith and trust in someone I’ve never seen or touched before.  Talk about hard.  Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m moving clumsily in the right direction, but I want so much to trust Him so I trudge on.  Oh, and I pray- a lot.  Every day in conversation, I ask if I’m doing this right.  Are you sure?  Just this?  Trust me, I’m like a new hire on the first day – every day.  (Yes, He’s also demonstrating what patience is supposed to look like just dealing with me every day!  LOL)

So you get the call, then what?  My ‘thing’ is not difficult for me, after all it is something I’ve been equipped to do – so it’s right up my alley.  The hard part isn’t doing what I’ve been called to do, it’s everything else:

      1.       That’s it?  Realizing I’m but a tiny fish in a great big sea sure puts things in perspective, thank you.  I’m an extrovert.  I like a challenge.  I tell stories and like to reveal the punchline in a grand finale.  Understanding that my role is so simple is a gut check, one that is remarkably necessary for me to give the props to my Creator and not attribute them to myself.

      2.       Time.  I’m a working mom (I know, redundant).  That means I’ve always got a list of stuff to get done.  Making time to visit with God every day, read The Gospel, meditate on what I’ve read is hard.  Then trying to relate my experience with something worthy and entertaining?  I really need to rely on God to flow through, I’m just a vessel.  This is actually very therapeutic, but carving out the time is still a challenge.

      3.       Acceptance.  Each time I answer my call, I learn something.  It’s not always pretty.  Accepting that new information and applying it to my life is hard.  Who wants to wake up and realize you’ve been doing something wrong and you need to change?  What about not knowing if it’s working?  If you paint a picture and sell it on the street, you know if it touched someone.   Accepting that you may never know if your works have reached someone or brought someone to a relationship with God… for me, that’s hard.  But again it’s about trust and faith in someone other than myself.

      4.       Knowing.  Perhaps this is the most difficult for me.  But knowing, and I mean really knowing, God decided before I was ever formed in my mother’s belly that I was good enough for Him is hard.  Not the belly part, I mean I was a baby – innocent.  But now, grown up me with years and years of sin under her belt and later, the old lady me with more sin than I’d care to look forward to having racked up.  He decided long before I was conceived that I, with all the sin I would ever pack into my carry-on luggage, was good enough.  I’ve done things, thought things that no human may ever know about – but He does.  And still, He’s claimed me?  It’s hard to know that.  What if I could love, forgive like that?  Knowing I don’t have that capacity today, yeah that’s hard too.

I hope you are encouraged to listen for your call.  I pray that however hard it is for you, you will perservere.

Appreciate a Breakthrough

Every once in a while we have a breakthrough, something that propels us forward and gives us a foothold in our efforts.  Perhaps it is something that is immediately noticeable, an ‘aha moment,’ when things click and begin to fall into place revealing a manageable game plan.  (I think of this looking like the Allspark in the Transformers movie, when it goes from the size of a mountain down to the size of a box of chocolates with just one touch.  Folding and retracting automatically and instantaneously).  Or maybe it’s something that we look at in retrospect and say, “oh wow, I bet that was the moment things started to go more smoothly.”  (I imagine this to look more like scraping paint of your house with a hand scraper and then employing a sand blaster.  The work gets much easier, but there is still much work required.  You may have to go back with the scraper to get some tough or tight spots, and then there is the clean-up - but looking back at the finished job you are grateful for the neighbor’s sand blaster, for sure).   However it happens for you, appreciate the breakthroughs.

When scientists reach a breakthrough in their research, we hear about it in the news.  “Researchers have reached a breakthrough in the fight against (insert condition here).  Doctors hope that this means they are closer to a cure for (insert condition again)”.  It’s important that when we have breakthroughs of our own, we remember this very important part – a breakthrough is not always a solution, but it is a surefooted step towards our goal.  We should be encouraged by breakthroughs and not discouraged by the work that is still ahead.  Enjoy the victory of a breakthrough, celebrate it and always be grateful.

My breakthrough:

As you may know, my anxiety – like that of many people who suffer from anxiety and panic disorders - revolves around an irrational fear of death.  I’ve spent plenty of time over the last few years feeling guilt over my fears.  I’m a Christian.  I believe in life after death.  I believe God has prepared a place for me in heaven and that life there with Him is greater than what I have the capacity to imagine.  So, why am I afraid to die?  Am I a bad Christian to not look forward to the afterlife?  If He stood before me and offered His hand, would I run and hide?  How cowardly!  How disrespectful!  How ungrateful!  But, a few weeks ago I had a breakthrough.  I remember it well.  I was in the shower offering up my prayers to God when He pointed out to me a difference I had not yet noticed on my own.  He asked me what I knew to be true about heaven, about life after death, about Him and His promises.  Then He asked me what about death I was most afraid of, what concerned me most, what caused me the most worry.  As I answered His questions aloud, I began to realize that dying was not my biggest fear.  In fact it wasn’t really among my top 5 biggest fears.  My friends, my biggest fear was not living.  While that may sound the same, it is actually quite different.  The fears I have are about not being able to experience life, about missing out on the gifts He gave me in this life.  And in case you haven’t been keeping up, I’ve already been doing that!  For the last eight years I’ve been living in a cave trying to avoid death – I don’t want to see it, talk about it, hear about it, remember it, think about it, risk it.  Even everyday language has changed… I don’t say “serious as a heart attack,” "live everyday like it's your last," “bored to death,” “you’re killing me,” “I’m dying to see them in concert.”  Death by Chocolate dessert?  No thanks.  SERIOUSLY?!  I’ve been missing out on living life to its fullest because I’ve been so preoccupied with fear.  Ironic huh?  Well, not anymore. I've already started a mantra for when I become hesitant or feel anxiety creep in... I say, "You are not afraid to die, you are afraid of not living - so live right now!"

I’m not yet sure if this breakthrough of mine is the aha moment kind or the sandblaster kind, but it is definitely a breakthrough and for that I am already grateful.  I pray for a breakthrough for you in your efforts – a relationship, finances, health or whatever they may be.  As for me, I don’t think I’m gonna take up skydiving, but maybe I’ll start checking the dessert menu. 

Calling All Heros

Yay! A post that has nothing to do with my anxiety (that I can tell).  This is a blessing that makes me so happy I thought it was worth noting.

Last night the family opted to stay in and watch a movie.  This is another picture based on a teen novel where the population is divided into segments and the unlikely young heroine is tasked with saving them all.  What I find interesting about these types of movies is that they take place in a future society where war and disease have riddled the world so much so that people are willing to allow this type of segregation just to survive, no matter how poor the quality of life might be.  It’s almost like we become so desperate to be alive that we choose to hand over our free will to anyone or anything that can offer us a day – despite how miserable that day is.*  (Ah!  There it is.)  In these stories, separation and conformity is a key objective of governance and survival.  The city is apparently the only civilization left, so of course they build a wall to keep themselves inside.  The population is separated into groups based on some arbitrary criteria, however there is always a lesser class and there is always an upper class which governs all the others.  And yes, even the lower classes manage to look down upon any class that is lower than their own.  I usually start these movies thinking, “Well, that’s not so bad, I mean if your alternative is a barren world outside of this last remaining piece of civilization.”  But let’s be honest, give any human that much control over another and inevitably they themselves will be tempted to promote their lives over the lives of others.   At the end of the day, it will take a rebellious and intuitive hero to look beyond the “fences” and see that in order for the world to not just survive, but to prosper, everyone must risk it all -break the chains of conformity and join forces in order to restore balance to their world.

Whew.  While that makes for good a good story line, I couldn’t help but recognize the parallels to our own world.  You see we are constantly reminded how different we are as people.  Turn on the television or click on the internet and you’ll see stories about wars in other parts of the world, you’ll hear about riots in our own back yards.  Race, religion, economic status, sex, political affiliation, education and many other things that make us unique are all topics to not only pronounce our differences to each other, but also to divide us as a society.  When I listen to talk radio, I’m supposed to become enraged at someone who has a different political perspective than my own.  I watch the news and I’m told that people in another country hate me because I was born an American.    On social media I see debates boasting levels of “rightness” based on levels of education.  The paper has stories of people fighting over rights based on sexual orientation.  I can even walk into a church and here chuckles about other religions!  (In church!  Really, people?)  It’s like a giant war brewing, being stirred up.  WHO would do that?

In fact, here’s what I know of my own experience:  I know people from other parts of the world, of those they could care less what country I was born in or live in.  I know soldiers that have been in some of these other countries and they were greeted with warmth and appreciation.  I know poor people.  Some are crappy, some are cool.  I know rich people.  Some are crappy, some are cool.  I know doctors.  Some are brilliant, some are idiots.  I know drop-outs, again some are brilliant while others are idiots.  I know heterosexuals.  Some care who you sleep with, some don’t care who you sleep with.  I know homosexuals.  Some care if you care who they sleep with, some don’t care if you care who they sleep with.  I know blacks, whites, brownies (I’m “Latina” “Mexican” “Mexican-American”…  I can call myself a brownie if I’d like.  And for the record I think it’s dumb that I have to list several acceptable Latino names.  I know what someone means when they say Mexican and if they aren’t trying to be offensive then I’m just not offended.), Asians, Italians, Germans and I’m sure many other –ans.  There are racists, non-racists, liars, honest people, thieves and givers among them all, true story.  I know Democrats. Some are good, others are not.  I know Republicans.  Some are good, others are not.  I know non-Christians.  Some are understanding, some are thoughtful, some are stubborn, some are mean and I think some are nuts.  I know Christians – Catholics, Baptists, Non-denominational, Lutheran, Methodists, and then some.  Some are understanding, some are thoughtful, some are stubborn, some are mean and yes, I think some are nuts.

I don’t blame the media, solely.  At the end of any day, I have to take responsibility for what I’m willing to believe.  I have to take ownership of my own willingness to be separated from my brothers and sisters on this planet.  If I allow someone to fence me off from my neighbors, that’s on me.  If I decide to take someone else’s word over my own personal experience and use that to determine how I view and treat others, it’s my fault.  If I decide it’s easier to conform to these types of evolving rules than to buck the system and question what I don’t agree with, ultimately I’m to blame.  I was given free will, we all were, long before I was given anything else and I’d like to use mine.

I don’t throw knives or shoot arrows (although I’ve always thought I’d enjoy that very much), but I do have a talent or two of my own.  So, I’d like to exercise my free will right now.  I’ve always been a tad rebellious, and I’d certainly like to think I’m intuitive.  I’ve told you what I see personally when I look past the fences of other people and I encourage you to do the same.  I choose not to conform to what anyone else thinks I should think about other people or how I should treat them and I invite you to consider that as well.  I choose not to conform to the idea of a diseased and war-ready human population.  I refuse to believe that everyone but me is cool just surviving in a world like that too.  And I’m definitely not handing over my free will to Satan and his sneaky ways.

*Many times when I write, I will have an idea of what I need to get into text.  However, sometimes I really have no clue and I just pray for guidance in what direction to take off into.  I just thought it would be cool to show you when the light came on for me today and give a little shout out and praise to our Heavenly Father.  Woohoo!

Valuable Experience

In a movie we watched yesterday evening, I heard something that stood out and I’d like to share it with you.  “You don’t have to save the world… I believe that’s already been done.”

Years ago, I experienced something out of the ordinary.  The man I worked for suffered a severe health emergency and died.  For years, I wrestled with many things surrounding this experience – as this is the event that likely led to my PTSD diagnosis.  Today, I still struggle with the memory of that experience, but I have come a long way and every once in a while I’m reminded just how far and sometimes even why.

Part of what plagued me is that I was in his office with him when it happened.  I was trained in CPR and first aid.  I was a quick and level-headed in an emergency.  So, why couldn’t I fix this?

How come I couldn’t save this person’s life?

Had I earned this punishment for something I did wrong?

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve pondered these questions over the last seven years.  It’s funny to me how self-centered we are sometimes that we really believe incidents we witness are all about us, isn’t it?  The truth is our God is so amazing it’s beyond our ability to comprehend and even beyond our ability to imagine.  See, He has orchestrated everything in this life down to the finest detail – there are no mistakes and there are no accidents.  Whatever we experience along the road of life He has meant for us to experience.  It becomes part of us, part of our story.  And I believe sometimes that story is intended for us to share, maybe to encourage others.  Or maybe our story is to prepare us to be a comfort to a friend.  But whatever the case, it’s only a part of us, only a part of our story – it’s not the whole thing.  With that said, it’s important to accept that being there with someone while they passed from this life into the next was exactly the role that was intended for me that day.

I’m not sure how I’ve already used what I went through or how I will use it in the future to help someone else.  I do believe, now, I wasn’t supposed to save that man.  I was supposed to be there, so he wouldn’t be alone.  I was supposed to be a friendly face.  I was supposed to bring comfort to his family.  I was supposed to use the experience to eventually support others.  All of these gifts were meant for other people to receive, which is perfect because I love giving gifts!

“Did He insist on my vision being the same as yours?  Of course not.  Did He make me one of those heros… no, that’s what I wanted.  God had a different plan.  God crushed my pride, opened my heart to love.  All I have to do, the one thing this love requires, is if I let others know they’re not alone.”

I think I can do this.  I think you can too.

(P.S. - The movie was Heaven is for Real.  If you haven't seen it, it's worth checking out.  Although the book, YES, is better.  Enjoy!)